Yes, I've been saving up my crazy emails to share with you.
This one is an example of overly intimate marketing...
Hello Marisa,
I hope you are well.
I have worked hard to make this years Conference of Crazy, to
be held on Some Days in the Some Hotel, Philadelphia as success. I have researched with over 40 top Pharma to ensure the issues are exactly what you’ve asked for. However, I still appreciate you’re feedback If you think I am missing anything out just let me know and I can add a round table on the subject.
Please see the brochure PDF of Crazy
The theme is how to do more with less: analyzing customer centric strategies. I really think you’d appreciate the topics from Some Guy who will show you how to extract maximum value from Patient-Level data to optimize rep face-time. Pharma Ad Guy who will be taking an in depth look in to the near future to analyze the latest trends, so you can plan and impose strategies for long term success.
It’s always interesting to hear case studies, in particular I think Two Guys I've Never Heard Of's presentation on how to build an Incentive Compensation System that is compliant and hits the targets using real examples from Two Big Pharma Companies, will be of great interest.
In addition Minor Pharma Company Exec will be exploring the new selling models Minor Pharma Company is using including Account Management Model to give you take away best practice.
New speakers have been confirmed in the last week, making this one of the largest gathering of Conference Topic experts in North America. The latest speakers to come on board are:
List of Pharma execs
My aim is to produce a conference that adds real value, I think one way to do this is to share knowledge so for a free report on Conference of Crazy visit:
URL of Crazy
I am really keen to show you what we can do so am offering you the opportunity to save $400 if you register by Friday. To register simply visit:URL of Crazy
If you have any questions or queries don’t hesitate to get in touch
Thanks,
Kate
Apparently "Kate" hopes I'm well. Well, "Kate," it's been a while since I've seen you. I'm sure we have a lot of catching up to do. I'm sure you have put a lot of work into setting up this summit - these meetings are a lot of work! I'm really proud of you and appreciate all your efforts.
Just not enough to pay for the privilege.
Look, since we're such good friends and all, can't you just waive the fee?
Just this once? For your old pal Marisa?
If not, I understand. Good luck with the meeting, and let me know how it turns out, ok?
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Outpourings of crazy
One of the trainers at my gym sends out emails a few times a week. I guess they're supposed to be motivational? I don't know. They're usually just outpourings of crazy. At least half of them are collections of stupid diet substitutions that are supposed to help you lose weight, only they're
really detailed lists of things I can't picture anyone ever eating. Let me make one up to illustrate:
Instead of eating a breakfast of two waffles, three pieces of bacon, four hash browns and a large latte, try one egg white with a tablespoon of salsa.
Instead of a large tuna sandwich slathered with mayo on a kaiser roll, a big bag of potato chips, a cup of creamy potato salad and a large soda, hold the roll and enjoy three ounces of tofu with two celery stalks, a teaspoon of brown mustard and a medium apple.
Instead of four slices of pepperoni pizza dripping with grease, served with a large caesar salad with tons of croutons, try a small chicken breast grilled with the juice of one lemon and served with three broccoli florets.
Do this and you will lose ten pounds!!!!
Ok, so my example is slightly more ludicrous than her usual, but you get the general idea. She compares two meals that are completely unalike; uses the phrases "dripping with grease," "hold the roll," and "slathered in mayo;" and closes with some ridiculous outcome and a gratuitous number of exclamation points.
Anyway. When she's not busy sending us crazy nutritional emails, she's sending crazy exercise emails. Friday, we got one about how your brain tells you to stop working out because it has no self-confidence and you should ignore it. (That was especially entertaining because my friend, Linda, had just had a personal training session with this crazy trainer, and she thought the email was directed at her.) Here's this week's crazy email:
Whether you've been loyal to your weekly workout plans or not, this week we've got just the thing to keep you motivated and get you back on track. According to top researchers, varying your cardio routine makes it more effective. And, like always, we're here to help.
First, try the ultimate antiboredom workout. It combines cycling, running, and elliptical with various speeds and intensity.
To get the best results, pay attention to your rate of perceived exertion (RPE), or how hard you're working on a scale of 1 to 10
6 No exertion at all
7 Extremely light
8
9 Very light - (easy walking slowly at a comfortable pace)
10
11 Light
12
13 Somewhat hard (It is quite an effort; you feel tired but can continue)
14
15 Hard (heavy)
16
17 Very hard (very strenuous, and you are very fatigued)
18
19 Extremely hard (You can not continue for long at this pace)
20 Maximal exertion
The rest of the email is a fairly detailed exercise routine. I have no issue with it, especially since she assured us that "this workout will blast 400 calories!!!!!"
Do we all see the problem here? Instead of a scale from one to ten, which is logical if a little simplistic, we have a scale from six to twenty. Never mind truth in advertising...when has anyone ever asked anyone to rate something on a scale from six to twenty?
"So, Lefty, how did you like that movie?"
"Ehh...on a scale of six to twenty, I give it an 8.5."
What happened to numbers one through five? I imagine 1 is "asleep (unconscious)" and three is "sitting." 7, by the way, is "waving to a friend" and 8 is "two snaps in a circle." I especially love how number 15 "hard" is further explained as "heavy." That's just the attention to detail that will help me determine where I fall on the scale between "somewhat hard" and "very hard."
really detailed lists of things I can't picture anyone ever eating. Let me make one up to illustrate:
Instead of eating a breakfast of two waffles, three pieces of bacon, four hash browns and a large latte, try one egg white with a tablespoon of salsa.
Instead of a large tuna sandwich slathered with mayo on a kaiser roll, a big bag of potato chips, a cup of creamy potato salad and a large soda, hold the roll and enjoy three ounces of tofu with two celery stalks, a teaspoon of brown mustard and a medium apple.
Instead of four slices of pepperoni pizza dripping with grease, served with a large caesar salad with tons of croutons, try a small chicken breast grilled with the juice of one lemon and served with three broccoli florets.
Do this and you will lose ten pounds!!!!
Ok, so my example is slightly more ludicrous than her usual, but you get the general idea. She compares two meals that are completely unalike; uses the phrases "dripping with grease," "hold the roll," and "slathered in mayo;" and closes with some ridiculous outcome and a gratuitous number of exclamation points.
Anyway. When she's not busy sending us crazy nutritional emails, she's sending crazy exercise emails. Friday, we got one about how your brain tells you to stop working out because it has no self-confidence and you should ignore it. (That was especially entertaining because my friend, Linda, had just had a personal training session with this crazy trainer, and she thought the email was directed at her.) Here's this week's crazy email:
Whether you've been loyal to your weekly workout plans or not, this week we've got just the thing to keep you motivated and get you back on track. According to top researchers, varying your cardio routine makes it more effective. And, like always, we're here to help.
First, try the ultimate antiboredom workout. It combines cycling, running, and elliptical with various speeds and intensity.
To get the best results, pay attention to your rate of perceived exertion (RPE), or how hard you're working on a scale of 1 to 10
6 No exertion at all
7 Extremely light
8
9 Very light - (easy walking slowly at a comfortable pace)
10
11 Light
12
13 Somewhat hard (It is quite an effort; you feel tired but can continue)
14
15 Hard (heavy)
16
17 Very hard (very strenuous, and you are very fatigued)
18
19 Extremely hard (You can not continue for long at this pace)
20 Maximal exertion
The rest of the email is a fairly detailed exercise routine. I have no issue with it, especially since she assured us that "this workout will blast 400 calories!!!!!"
Do we all see the problem here? Instead of a scale from one to ten, which is logical if a little simplistic, we have a scale from six to twenty. Never mind truth in advertising...when has anyone ever asked anyone to rate something on a scale from six to twenty?
"So, Lefty, how did you like that movie?"
"Ehh...on a scale of six to twenty, I give it an 8.5."
What happened to numbers one through five? I imagine 1 is "asleep (unconscious)" and three is "sitting." 7, by the way, is "waving to a friend" and 8 is "two snaps in a circle." I especially love how number 15 "hard" is further explained as "heavy." That's just the attention to detail that will help me determine where I fall on the scale between "somewhat hard" and "very hard."
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