Devious

My cats are most sneaky.

Shadow had a UTI a few weeks ago, and she's still eating prescription cat food, so we have to feed them separately. I feed Shadow where their dish has always been (I didn't want to disrupt her routine too much since she had to switch foods.) and I feed Tiki in the office. Tiki watches me feed Shadow, and then she trots after me to get her food. They were both happy with this arrangement until last night, when Tiki suddenly developed a keen interest in Shadow's food. I kind of hoped that this was a one-time thing, but then I discovered Shadow over at Tiki's bowl, munching Tiki's food. *sigh* So I picked up their bowls and hoped for the best.

When I fed them this morning, Tiki didn't follow me into the office to munch her food. So I was Suspicious. And sure enough, five minutes later, she sticks her paw in Shadow's dish and shovels a piece of food in her mouth - Shadow-style. (I don't know if I've ever told you about that, but
Shadow is a very messy eater. She can't just stick her head in the bowl like a normal cat. No, she scoops up a piece of food in her mouth, drops it on her paw and shoves it back in her mouth. Food gets "lost" at every step of this process. It was worse when we kept her bowl in the kitchen because she would wind up scooting it all over the place and pushing food under the congoleum. Now we keep it on the carpet so she can't move it, and we just have to vaccuum up the stray pieces of food.) So I pick Tiki up and put her in front of her food, and she sticks her little face in her bowl...and five minutes later, she's back at Shadow's dish. So this time, after I put her
in the office, I shut the door. Well, Tiki was not happy with that. She started crying and crying, but I figured I'd go in there with her once I was ready for work and then she'd calm down...so I went about my business getting ready. And when I emerged, not more than 10 min. later, the door is wide open and Tiki is sitting in the hall staring at me.

So here's the thing...Tiki has never figured out how to open doors. She just scratches on them and cries until someone opens them. Alternatively, she'll sit next to Shadow and let Shadow open the door. (Shadow just gets up on her hind legs and leans on the door until it swings open. She can only do this trick in the winter when the doors don't close too tightly. You would think that, after watching Shadow do this a few times, Tiki would catch on, but notsomuch.) Plus the office door opens inward. So then I thought Shadow busted her out! She heard Tiki crying and she opened the door. She is so defiant! She's like "Haha, Mommy! Shadow shows you!"
Only then when Matt fed them tonight, he repeated the experiment, and Tiki got out while Shadow was in the other room. So then we tried it one more time and we both watched the door.
First Tiki cried. Then we saw a little paw slide under the door and hook up and pull. (No, I'm not kidding, and, yes, it looked fake.) This happened a couple times, until it attracted Shadow's attention and she started batting at Tiki's paw. Then Tiki backed off until Shadow lost interest again and left. By this time, the door was open a few inches, but not enough for Tiki to fit through, so she continued the paw/hook routine on the side of the door until it swung open.
Sneaky Tiki! She's only playing dumb. I'll have to watch her more carefully from now on.

My Glorious Morning

By the time I (finally) got home last night, I was starving. Starveling, as my mom would say. And all I could think of was mac n cheese. Now, Matt had bought some brie for new year's, which I hadn't eaten, but he had tasted it and said it tasted a little like broccoli. I thought that was pretty gross but figured that once it was melted, I wouldn't notice it, and I added some broccoli, just to be sure. I also obsessively tried to look up any bacteria/food poisoning candidates that smell like broccoli, but I had no luck. I did find a few cheese aficionado blogs where they described a cheese as tasting like broccoli, so I figured it was fine. (I also found a lot of fart jokes, but you already knew that, right?)

Anyway, I made the mac n cheese, and it was delicious. I didn't notice any weird broccoli taste...and then later that night, I opened the refrigerator and the whole thing smelled like broccoli, which seemed to emanate from the cheese, so I threw it out. That's when I started to feel worried for my health, but, hey, Matt had eaten it the night before and he didn't get sick. I'm probably just paranoid about a stinky cheese.
And then three hours later I was sick as a dog. So, while I was waiting for my heating pad to, well, heat, between trips to the bathroom, I asked my darling husband if he felt sick at all after he ate the brie.
"Oh, yeah." he said. "All day." So, why didn't you throw it out? "What do you mean? Didn't we throw it out?" Yes. After I ate it.

So now, I have the after effects of what I hope is a minor case of food poisoning, but I dragged myself in to work, even though I feel like ass, and then there was some kind of Great Train Disaster this morning, and I was standing on the platform for about a half hour, and it was about 10-15 degrees out, so lovely balmy weather, waiting for a train...because there was a downed wire...again. Just like last night, only colder and with less shelter. I really bundled up today because the last block of my commute is some kind of wind tunnel, so I was mostly fine, except for my feet. Maybe I need to invest in some fUggs or something. I don't know, but I was dancing back and forth to break contact with the ground. (That is a little trick/old wives tale I learned back when I used to be a semi-professional Christmas caroller. One of the other women would always bring these rug samples for everyone to stand on. At the time, I didn't find it too helpful, but kicking certainly helped me today.) So this delightful display was followed by almost 2 hours on the freaking train. Sitting between two women who decided to eat their stinky lunches on the train, which was pretty fabulous. I tried to read for a while, but then I was too cranky, so I just played games on my phone for a while, and then I stared out the window for a while. I left the house before 7, and I got to work around 9:30. That's OK, though, because one of the women in my office left her house around 6 because her son was trying to take the train to the airport, and then, after 2 hours on the train, they found out that all trains to the airport were cancelled. So he had to go to the Newark station and find a bus to the airport. (Luckily, some nice NJ Transit employee escorted them to the proper bus. Otherwise, who knows what would have happened.) Good morning, huh?
BUT...I only waited about 3 minutes for my train coming home, and then I got a 3-seater to myself, so that's a little better. It doesn't make up for the last two commutes, but it was a nice gesture.

One last note

Also, all trains coming out of New York Penn Station last night were delayed a half hour, so I spent a half hour crammed onto a platform in Newark and got home around 7.

It was awesome.

My Enormous Chair

My mother's friend, Nancy, who I have never met, is giving us a chair. Not just any chair - a red
leather chair with a matching ottoman (turned arms, hammered-something finish. I'm a vegetarian. I have no clue what I'm talking about here). Don't ask me where we're going to put it, but it's a-coming.

Apparently, Nancy ordered herself a red leather couch, and it came with a chair and two ottomans, but she already has a chair, and really, who needs two ottomans? It was very nice of her to think of us, and I do appreciate it, and I'm sure that some year when we have more room I'll be grateful that we don't have to buy one more chair...it's just, well, the phrase "red leather club chair" throws up a few flags for me...

1. Red: Do you mean burgundy red? Candy apple red? Fire engine red? My mother assumes that the chair is burgundy red, which is a lovely color that will match with our existing brown furniture...but I have an internet connection, so I'm not so sure. (Plus, I don't know Nancy. My mother works with a few Nancys, and I'm not sure which one this is. Does this Nancy have a stoplight themed living room?
2. Leather: Maybe it's the vegetarian thing, or maybe it's an Old Italian Relatives flashback, but I find leather furniture kind of creepy. It's just creaky and sticky and...I'd rather not talk about this, ok?
3. Club chair: This phrase could mean a whole host of chair designs, ranging from good-old-boys hunting lodge decor to little u-shaped waiting room chair to medieval throne. Some of which are better for my apartment, and some of which are better for regional theater productions of Dracula. I'm just saying.

I know this makes me sound like a brat, and really it is very nice of her, and I appreciate the offer. I'm just a little leery. I mean, we have nowhere to put it, it's just one more thing we'll have to move in a couple months. I just wish there was a gracious way to turn this down. I told
my mother, several times, that we had no room for it, and I didn't really want it, but she kept pushing. I guess she felt like I had to take it for some reason. I don't know.

So Nancy insisted that it was really tiny and she could carry it out to my mom's car by herself...so fine, the chair is coming. Well, then the woman runs home on her lunch break and comes back with the two ottomans, which I really didn't want, but I guess I'm getting anyway, and she puts them in my mother's car. Oook. So now I'm getting a chair and two ottomans. Also, the "tiny" chair is now too big for one person to carry, and it's blocked into the room somehow, so we need to send two people to pick it up.
The next day.
Because she's having an elliptical delivered.
That's when I reminded my mom that I don't really want this chair. So she tells Nancy that we can't pick it up before Saturday, and Nancy seems to be happy with that. So I'm getting the chair on Saturday, and I have to clear space in my apartment before then.

Right...so remember the ottomans? Well, we went up to my parents' yesterday, and those things are enormous. They are the height of my couch, and bigger than my end tables. They're at least 3x3. So, what size chair needs an ottoman that big??? I am starting to be a little bit afraid of this chair. We only have one ottoman at the moment because that's all that would fit in my car. So I guess I have to figure out how to rearrange my living room to accommodate this enormous creepy chair that I don't want. On the plus side, this is the perfect opportunity to turn the living room into a circus. I'll make the cats jump through hoops from one ottoman to the other. Then I'll invite people over to sit on all our chairs and couches, and Matt can thread his way through the furniture with bags of popcorn.

The Kitty-Cat Club

My parents got my cats a strobe light for Christmas - like they're a couple
of ravers or something. OK, so I'm exaggerating, but not by much. The toy in
question is about the size of a golf ball, and it flashes bright blue,
green, and red lights when they kick it. This is not some beatific glow,
either. We are talking seizure-inducing strobe lights, here. Seriously,
Matt and I were a little afraid of it. It's a little kitty disco ball. I
tried to find a picture of it online, but so far I've been unsuccessful. Of
course, Tiki loves it. Tiki loves anything. Yarn, electric cords, knitting
needles, tennis balls...everything looks like a toy to Miss Tik. Shadow
stares at it intently, but she is still not sure she should investigate
that thing. The problem, besides the whole epilepsy thing, is that this toy
is pretty heavy. It makes sense, if you think about it. I mean, the ball is
hard plastic and it has three little lights in it. Of course it's heavy.
It's not too heavy for Tiki to bat around, but when she inevitably bangs it
into a wall, it makes a seriously loud cracking noise - it was loud enough
that Matt asked me to take the ball away from her this morning because he
was trying to sleep. The other problem I see is flashing lights themselves.
Not every movement makes them flash, so sometimes Tiki will kick the ball
and nothing happens. Then she loses interest. The other problem, which I
suspect is Shadow's problem with the ball, is that the lights are flashing.
There's a lot of light, but it's not a sustained light. They both like to
chase a laser pointer, but I think the flashing just doesn't hold the same
appeal. I think if one sustained light came up every time the ball rolled,
they would like it a lot more. Also, I wouldn't be so concerned for my
neurological health. Still, Tiki does play with it, so I can't give it too
bad of a review. Anything that keeps that little spaz entertained for more
than 30 seconds is OK in my book.