The work update

I actually wrote out a very long and detailed version of this post on the train...complete with ridiculous nicknames for the whole department, but I'm hoping to keep this shorter and clearer, if possible, so I'm going to free-write now and answer questions later.

Work sucks.

Don't get me wrong. I still like my job. I like writing instructions and letters. I like writing about medicine/health care, and I love writing for the women's health magazine, but the office is just effed up, and I'm not sure how long I can take it.

This is going to take a while to explain...it starts in December, when we got the results of the employee satisfaction survey (ESAT). They were, umm...lower than expected. The director's bonus is based on the ESAT scores. She was displeased. We then had an inquisition about how unhappy we are. Then she gave us Christmas presents.

A couple weeks later, the employee newsletter came out...and there was a typo in one of the subheads. Which the editor found and showed her boss. And then half the department got in trouble for missing that typo. (literally, a "b" and "p" were transposed.)

The next week, the director called a "quick team meeting." We all assumed we'd be getting another lecture about missing the typo. No...one of the girls was being promoted to manager of a newly-created national account group. My team currently supports the national accounts...so one of us would be going over to the new team.

Apparently, my manager found out about this at the same time we did, and she has handled it in her usual mature manner. I don't think she had a say in who was leaving, but she was supposed to hold a group meeting and tell us all what was going on. Of course that didn't happen. In fact, I'm the only person she's told, and she just threw it out there "and after K goes to the new group..." as if I was supposed to know already. It puts K in a bad position because she can't transition her ongoing projects. A. (my manager) has decided to "shake up" our current accounts, so she won't even tell K who's getting her old accounts...also, she's taking advantage of the fact that K's new manager doesn't have access to the database that lets her assign new work, so K's still getting new jobs for her old clients, and I'm still getting jobs for my old clients...which should be going to K. In fact, I'm not sure my clients are aware that I will no longer be working on their projects.

Now, this is pretty annoying, but I can almost excuse it because, in my more charitable moments, I have decided that A. has some sort of mental illness. She demonstrated this during our annual reviews, where she gave all 4 of us the exact same review - word for word - while refusing to look us in the eye. I know we all got the same review because it was completely inappropriate for three of us, so we all got together to discuss later. In the meantime...remember the typo debacle? Well, as a result of that smash-up, there will be a new zero tolerance editing policy for our 2008 reviews. That's right. If you have one mistake on one of your projects (and I typically have 15-20 at any given time) OR if there's a mistake on any project you proofread (and we have to get at least 20 signatures on everything we produce) you automatically get a Needs Improvement on your next review. This has made everyone so paranoid that they're making ridiculous formatting edits on things that are about to go to print, and, even worse, they're approving one document, and then when I try to route an identical document a week later...they're not signing off on it. They're asking for a million formatting changes.

Did I mention that there's also a new zero tolerance policy for missed deadlines, but only for the newsletters and posters? So that effects about 6 of us.

And that a few of the more friendly team members have been officially warned about socializing with specific people?(As in: It came up in our manager's meeting that you've been seen talking to Michelle. I just wanted to let you know that people have noticed.)

None of which is improving our ESAT, which, oh yes, is now tied to my bonus.

Every day I don't walk right off the job is a gift from God.

What is up with me?

I have been completely waterlogged all week. This is because I have (yet another) cold, and I'm just not hungry. Also, I'm trying to "flush it out," and you need an abundance of liquid for that.

As you may imagine, this liquid finds its way out at least every half hour, so that's lovely. What are you going to do, though, right? It has to go somewhere. Don't worry, I've only performed one deseperate act so far. I used the bathroom on the train Tuesday morning. I had to do it. I'm on the train for an hour. Tides change every half hour. It's not a good match.

I have been sick at least once a month since I started my new job. This seems to be a pattern in the office. Everyone tells me they were sick the whole first year they worked here, which is lovely. Does that mean I'm half-way done? Anyway, since 6 of the 8 people in my row started in the last 6 months, we're all sick. Plus one of the "vets" catches every chest cold that comes around, so only one person in our row is healthy. The graphics manager calls us Ground Zero.

I think I woke up every two hours Tuesday night because I would fall asleep on one side and the lymph node on that side of my throat would start killing me, so then I'd roll onto my back and start snoring. Yes, I wake myself up with my own snoring. Yes, it is very embarrassing, thank you, even when you're only half awake. Actually, I suspect that I can blame Matt for half the times I woke up. I know he woke me up at least once because I was snoring. I suspect that he was just trying to roll me over when I got belligerent. (If you wake me up, don't expect Nice Marisa to be home. I usually wake up angry and incoherent. Matt has better luck than Ben did. Sometimes I barely feel angry at all by the time I'm aware of him. Most of the time, though, I wake up to him chanting some sort of protective spell like "It's just me. You're ok. It's just me..." or the one he was using Tuesday night "Matt loves you. You were snoring. Matt loves you..." He may be trying to implant a subliminal message.) So I can probably blame him for some of the waking up on my side moments...

Poor Matt. He probably didn't get any sleep, either. I know how miserable it is trying to sleep in the same room as a snorer. And then he tries to roll me over to get some relief and I wake up angry. This was only Tuesday, though. Since then, I seem to be sleeping fine, if a little - or a lot - more than usual.

Somehow, I managed to get ready for work and put myself on a train. Even more miraculously, I seem to be getting stuff done this week. No, really. I've been really productive. Even though one of the production managers LOST one of my jobs and I'm still getting assignments that should be going to the new National Accounts team, and the zero tolerance policy is causing people to make stupid edits on all my jobs...I'm doing OK.

There will be separate posts on the job and family situations tonight or tomorrow. I promise. Bug me if I don't post something, because I have a lot of things I need to say. I just have to catch a train now...