Blood and Guts

I try to give blood. It's on my list of things to do in my life. Maybe once a year or so, I think "that would be a nice thing to do, and it will be a nice way to conquer my fear of needles." I really do try. It just never works out.

I get very little support in this endeavor, by the way. Every time I bring it up to friends, they tell me horror stories about passing out. A few seem to have a pathological fear of blood. None of them seems to understand my need to donate my blood at least once in my life.

Every few months, there's a blood drive at work. And one of my friends donates regularly, so I decided to go down with him on Thursday. He advised me to eat and drink before I went. So I did. I was very good. I filled out the questionnaire, got my finger prick, lay down on the bed...Dave, my friend, was next to me, and let me tell you, the blood was just flying out of him.

Periodically, the guy who told you which bed to go to (who was wearing a purple shirt) would come by and look at the nurse by me, and eventually she came over. She clamped the band around my arm and had me squeeze a little toy. Then the guy in the purple shirt came over and tapped my arm and told her which vein to go for. It occurred to me at that point that maybe this girl was new or something, but she had a line in the woman next to me, so I figured it would be OK.

So, the stupid girl puts the needle in, and it really hurt. But I've never given blood before, and I'm kind of a baby about needles, so I'm trying to be brave...and then she runs over to the guy collecting Dave's blood and says "her vein is blowing up."
So he says "you have to take it out. Clamp it, tape it down, and I'll be right over."
Then she gets the guy in the purple shirt, and they're all working on getting the port out of my arm.
I was trying not to look, so I stayed facing Dave, who was COMPLETELY DONE by this point.
The girl bandaged my arm, and I asked her what happened.
So she turned to the man in the purple shirt and tells him that "she wants to know why this is happening."
And the man in the purple shirt explained it thusly: "Move over to the next bed and we'll try a vein in your other arm."

Umm...no. No you won't.

By this point, Dave was up drinking juice and eating cake like no one took a pint of blood out of him just ten minutes ago. We were back at our desks within an hour.


It's like Mardi Gras in my crelbow right now. And I'm starting to feel my dream of donating blood just floating (or is that flowing?) away.

Really? There's no more concise way to say this?

Another close encounter...from the same, apparently authorless, document:


Facilities, physicians and other health care professionals are reminded that to pursue an inquiry or complaint on behalf of a member through Member Services, facilities, physicians and other health care professionals must have the consent of the member.

Close encounter with the English language

This sentence may have met a native speaker once at a party:

Participating physicians are required to participate in this program.

Hawaii...

I never posted on Hawaii, did I?
It was beautiful. I swam and hiked and wrote...a lot.
I have a few hundred pictures to upload, but I think these should give you an idea for now:

 I tore my pants getting this picture.

A few more Bradys (my parents, Lauren and Jason) enjoying the sunrise on Haleakala. My dad's stupid jacket was provided by the bike tour he was on. The rest of us are dressing ourselves now.

Matt exploring tidal pools - so cute! I have about 10 pictures just like this. My husband is seriously, like 4 or something. And then he wins a bunch of drink tickets in a poker tournament and we get trashed.

My mom with her flowers. Some idiot gave her these...he was actually trying to clean up after a beach party...and she would not let go of them, despite the fact that they were as big as her. She carted these things all over Maui. Then, literally 6 hours later, at the very last second before we reboarded the boat, she discovered that they were covered in ants and threw them all in the dumpster.

Post-operative procedures

Discovered while researching my latest scintillating Women's Health article:

To prevent infection, for a few weeks after the cesarean birth you should not place anything in your vagina.


But, but...the baby takes up so much closet space! Where am I supposed to store my tamagotchi?!?

An update on my glorious day

I went to the gym on my lunch break yesterday. Ran a few miles, showered, changed, went to get on an elevator...and the elevators are out.

The gym is on the 1st floor.

I work on the 15th floor.

The stairwells are not climate controlled.

I want combat pay.

Read the signs

I'm about a week away from our big, expensive trip to Hawaii. Of course, I have very little planned, but I'm starting to be nervous about my parents' Hawaiian curse. This is the fourth time they've booked a trip to Hawaii.
The first 3 trips went up in flames because:

• My grandfather passed away
• I was born
• All flights were grounded (they were booked to leave September 15, 2001)

OK, I'm not very superstitious, but those are some crazy coincidences, right? Right? I mean, why are they in such a hurry to book another trip? But, almost 7 years have passed, and here we are planning again. This is the only plan that involves more people than just the two of them. I
believe it's also the longest trip and encompasses more islands than their previous plans.
So far:

• The intra-island cruise we booked was discontinued in February (travel agent has "never even heard of this happening...")
• Aloha Airlines (on which we had booked 2 separate intra-island flights) went bankrupt.
• Tiki had emergency surgery and now has to go for follow-up while we're away.
  
• Matt's research keeps throwing up bugs that are delaying his thesis. When we booked this trip, he couldn't imagine not being done by February...but he won't be done until end of June (we hope).
• There is a volcano erupting-ish.
  

Do you believe in signs? If you do...how screwed am I? (On a scale of 6-20)

I hate iTunes

I hate iTunes. Can I say that? I'm sure someone is going to jump out of the wall now and cart me away, but I freakin hate iTunes. It drives me nuts. I suppose I should start way back in '98, when I first started using my computer to listen to music. At the time, I had winamp, and I liked it. I would say, "winamp, play this song" and it would say, "ok." and that was that. All right, so there were some abstract designs and the occasional playlist and other tomfoolery, but it did what I wanted it to do, and I was happy. Then I was using windows media player for a while. I'm not sure why I changed over, but I did...it was ok. I was never thrilled with it, but it was convenient, so I used it for a while.

Then I tried to use iTunes for about a week, and I hated it, so for the last two years or so I've been using winamp again, and I was happy.

Also, and this goes to the core of my iTunes hate, I had a samsung mp3 player, and I am used to easily moving files on and off it, any way I want. Now, it wasn't perfect. I could only save one playlist at a time, and I had better select the songs in the order I wanted them played because once they were on that list, the only way to move them would be to unselect them and then go back into the folder with the mp3 file and select it again. Then it would be moved to the end of the list. There was no shuffle function. And, most importantly, it only had 256 kb of storage space, which can be pretty limiting. I got used to that, though.

Then it died and Matt got me an iPod. So now I am forced to confront iTunes again. Let me catalog my hate.

1. It cannot fathom that I move songs on my hard drive or that tags on the files update.
   
   This leaves me with duplicate files. Does iTunes then say to itself, "ok. I messed up. Let me fix this, or at least ignore the problem." No. No it does not. It gets to one of the duplicate files, realizes that the file is no longer there (because I moved it) and flips right the eff out. It can't do anything until I find the file or delete the duplicate.
   
   
2. It doesn't respect my organization system. Have an audiobook in mp3 format? Sorry. That's a music file. Can't move it. What? You're uploading a folder called "Exercise Mix?" Well, iTunes is just just going to distribute those files alphabetically. You can go in and collect them into a playlist later, right? Look, iTunes. Just leave my files where I put them. I put them there for a reason. They are my files. No touchie.
   
   This is becoming a big problem. Normally, if I have a number of songs by one artist, I will collect them in a file under the artist's name. iTunes does not respect this system. I know that I can sort by artist name in iTunes...but it seems to be confused. For example, I have three Matt Nathanson cds. I ripped them all using the same program. I store them in the same folder on my computer. I uploaded them all to my iPod. If I sort by artist, I should see all of these songs, right? BZZT! Wrong. Only one appears. Where are the other two? I don't know. Can I move them into the right folder? Why no. No I can't.
   
   Look, iTunes. I appreciate that you have all these cool ways to sort files, and I like that about you, but sometimes you mess up. Hey, it happens to all of us. All I ask is that you let me clean up any mistakes I find, ok?
   
   
3. It doesn't recognize all my file labels. Suddenly, I have a group of files called File recorded by Artist. I have no idea what these files are. I cannot find them on my computer because there is no file on my computer called File. Because I am not a complete moron. I suppose I could listen to them all and write down what they are, but that is not terribly helpful because I have no idea how to fix this.
   
   
4. It doesn't recognize standard Windows key commands. Let's say that I moved my Jump Around mp3 and I added it to a couple playlists, and now iTunes thinks I have 4 copies of it. I want to delete 3 of the 4 copies. They are right next to each other. Do you think I can shift click and select them all? What about control click? Should that work? Well, I'm using a PC. I'm running windows. I'm running iTunes for windows, so it should know that. And yet, notsomuch. Does not compute.
   
   
5. There are no hints to the user interface.Umm...hello, Apple, this is a little awkward, but do you have any UI standards? Why, yes. Yes you do. Could you...I don't know...use them? I would rather not click on every single icon just to see what it does, and I don't want to read through the whole Help file either. Just give me some hints and I'll be on my way.
   
   
6. I hate syncing.
   Here is how I added/deleted songs on my last mp3 player. Ready? Ok.
   - Connect to the PC.
   - Open the folder.
   - Drag and drop the new files.
   Want to delete something? See that Delete key on your keyboard? Why don't you hit that. What's that you say? The song is still on your computer? It doesn't matter. It will stay away from your mp3 player unless you drag the file into this folder. I know I can select manually sync, but why is this necessary? Go back to #2, iTunes. No touchie!

Seriously, why is this so difficult? Stop trying to control me. Stupid iTunes.

Outpourings of crazy III

Each year, 250,000 Americans die from illnesses caused by lack exercise. By working out regularly you are less likely to become overweight or develop diabetes, osteoporosis and cancer. Opting not to exercise is as bad as the other controllable health risk factors such as smoking, high cholesterol or high blood pressure.

Moment of crazy number 1. I kind of agree that opting not to exercise is the same as opting to smoke, but the rest of the paragraph is just crazy. There is no such thing as an illness caused solely by lack of exercise, unless you count bed sores. Second, I haven't run the numbers to see if she's including cancer deaths, but if she is, that's just wrong. As in factually wrong. And finally, every "controllable" condition she mentioned has a significant hereditary risk factor. You can work to control them, but you can't say that you got them as "punishment" for not exercising.


As always, the only cure is text-yelling:

HERE'S A FEW WAYS TO FIRE UP YOUR WORKOUT!!!

• UP THE INTENSITY. Revving your usual pace will help you avoid hitting a plateau. Example: Run, jump rope or run the stairs at any given day.

Hint: you can't show an increase if you don't have a baseline.

Wall stickers!

Like the geese? They're my new wall stickers! This is not my apartment, by the way. It's an image from the seller - michellechristina.etsy.com

I was debating between this one and a flock of swallows (and about a million others - let's be honest - but I eventually decided that I really wanted birds), but this won out because it has fewer parts. I literally spent two hours trying to position these on the wall, then left them tacked to the wall for two days before I actually stuck them there...and then one of them is not perfectly rotated, but I decided that it's good enough. (It's the one over the window in this picture. I think I stuck mine a little too parallel to the floor, if that makes sense.) Somehow, I saw this coming and decided that buying a pack of 50 wall stickers was not going to work out.

More Work Madness

I know that's all I blog about anymore, but getting these crazy messages really incents me to write. Do you like that word? I don't. I don't even think it's a word, but I've seen it coming from my clients a lot lately.

I probably haven't told you about the bathroom soap madness because why would I? See, for whatever reason, Horizon has evolved this culture where people bring in hand soap and moisturizer for the entire floor. So behind every sink (each of which has a perfectly usable soap dispenser, by the by) you'll find at least one brought-from-home dispenser. Some floors, mine included, also have baskets full of soap and lotion and other restroom accoutrements. We have a dried flower display. The 14th floor has little pots of bamboo. That means that some woman on every floor takes it upon herself to buy soap for everyone on the floor - unreimbursed. I know for a fact that they're doing this on their own dime because the woman who buys the soap for our floor went to one of the executive assistants trying to get reimbursed, and after she got shot down the exec. asst. went around telling everyone how crazy it was...but seriously, she was not going to reimburse this woman for something the landlord already provides for free. I have no idea how this happened, but I find it fascinating. I have no idea what would drive someone to do something like this. Decorating your cubicle I get. Decorating the restroom? Notsomuch.

Obviously I'm talking about the ladies rooms here. I seriously doubt these goings on are going on in the mens rooms. I also think it's worth noting that no one has found it necessary to decorate the ladies locker room.

So, clearly, the woman who keeps buying soap for our floor is very emotionally invested in the bathroom soap. I don't know her name or her job, but I frequently encounter her in the ladies room futzing with the soap bottles. She straightens the bottles. She rearranges them on the counter. She takes inventory. Periodically, she finds that one is missing. Then she tacks very specific signs to the mirrors. Like so:

1. Please return the cucumber-melon soap. It is not yours.
2. Please do not throw out the empty soap bottles. Horizon does not provide them.
3. - Please stop taking the soaps. Horizon does not provide them. If you like them so much, they're $2 at Target. Go buy your own.
4. Will whomever "borrowed" the pomegranate soap please return it. Horizon
   does not provide the soaps and lotions.

Number 3 was my personal favorite. I seriously took extra trips to the ladies room that week just to read that sign. Also, the sign about not throwing out the empty bottles gets posted a lot. I guess she's refilling the bottles? I can't figure out why else she wouldn't want them thrown out.
Also, I don't think anyone is "borrowing" the soaps because, seriously, who cares. It seems more likely that the cleaning women see the empty bottles and throw them out because they are garbage.

EXCEPT...a day or two after sign 4 appeared (so, Thursday?) I was in the ladies room late in the day, and I saw this girl walk out of a stall CARRYING THE POMEGRANATE SOAP!!!!!

I know, right?

The root of the crazy

I have found the root of the crazy! (Maybe.) I'm writing an article on the DASH diet, and my research has turned up mountains of crazy I didn't know I had. First, I found a recipe for the weird lasagna with zucchini and carrots (eww) that Matt's stepfather made for Christmas. Then I hit the motherload.

Remember when I was complaining about the crazy gym lady who sends ridiculous comparisons of two foods that are nothing alike and then claims that you'll lose a ridiculous amount of weight by choosing the better option? Well, let's see what the NIH has to say:

To increase fruits?
● Eat a medium apple instead of four shortbread cookies. You’ll save 80 calories.
● Eat 1/4 cup of dried apricots instead of a 2-ounce bag of pork rinds. You’ll save 230 calories.

The rest of the suggestions are pretty normal. BUT, who thinks "ooh pork rinds...oh, no. I'll have some dried apricots instead. That's exactly the same thing." Honestly, I don't eat pork rinds, because eww, but I can't imagine that pork rinds and dried apricots would fill the same space in
your diet. Also, a medium apple is about 70 calories, so tip one is really telling me that two shortbread cookies = one apple? Why don't I just eat 2 shortbread cookies instead of 4?

An open letter to whoever is coming up with this nutritional nonsense:

Look. I get that you're trying to help people make healthier choices, but there are a few substitutions that people just will not make. I don't care how many times you tell me that when I want potato chips I should eat celery instead. I'm not buying it. And I LIKE celery.

But it is not and never will be anything like a potato chip. They don't have the same heft. They're different types of crunchy. And, most importantly, they occupy different social spaces. Please make healthy choices more accessible by making less ridiculous suggestions. If you want me to stop mindlessly munching chips, find me something better that I can munch mindlessly - like popcorn. If you want me to make a better appetizer choice, maybe we need to get the dips involved because a plain piece of celery will never have the allure of a plain chip.

Don't think I don't know where this is coming from.

You're looking at a big chart and trying to come up with the combination that gives you the biggest calorie savings, but it's not going to work because really people who are eating don't think like that. Then they read your stupid story and think "oh no, I'll never be healthy because I can't
make that kind of change..." Also, there are crazy trainers out there who multiply the calorie savings by 365 and calculate the weight you would use and I think we all know that's ridiculous.

So please, try to remember when you actually ate like a human and come up with an appealing substitution. You won't get the high score, but you will make good nutrition a little more attainable, and, really, isn't that what you really want?

Thank you.
The management

Outpourings of crazy II

Yes, I've been saving up my crazy emails to share with you.

This one is an example of overly intimate marketing...

Hello Marisa,


I hope you are well.


I have worked hard to make this years Conference of Crazy, to
be held on Some Days in the Some Hotel, Philadelphia as success. I have researched with over 40 top Pharma to ensure the issues are exactly what you’ve asked for. However, I still appreciate you’re feedback If you think I am missing anything out just let me know and I can add a round table on the subject.


Please see the brochure PDF of Crazy
The theme is how to do more with less: analyzing customer centric strategies. I really think you’d appreciate the topics from Some Guy who will show you how to extract maximum value from Patient-Level data to optimize rep face-time. Pharma Ad Guy who will be taking an in depth look in to the near future to analyze the latest trends, so you can plan and impose strategies for long term success.

It’s always interesting to hear case studies, in particular I think Two Guys I've Never Heard Of's presentation on how to build an Incentive Compensation System that is compliant and hits the targets using real examples from Two Big Pharma Companies, will be of great interest.
In addition Minor Pharma Company Exec will be exploring the new selling models Minor Pharma Company is using including Account Management Model to give you take away best practice.
New speakers have been confirmed in the last week, making this one of the largest gathering of Conference Topic experts in North America. The latest speakers to come on board are:

List of Pharma execs

My aim is to produce a conference that adds real value, I think one way to do this is to share knowledge so for a free report on Conference of Crazy visit:
URL of Crazy

I am really keen to show you what we can do so am offering you the opportunity to save $400 if you register by Friday. To register simply visit:URL of Crazy
If you have any questions or queries don’t hesitate to get in touch


Thanks,
Kate

Apparently "Kate" hopes I'm well. Well, "Kate," it's been a while since I've seen you. I'm sure we have a lot of catching up to do. I'm sure you have put a lot of work into setting up this summit - these meetings are a lot of work! I'm really proud of you and appreciate all your efforts.

Just not enough to pay for the privilege.

Look, since we're such good friends and all, can't you just waive the fee?
Just this once? For your old pal Marisa?

If not, I understand. Good luck with the meeting, and let me know how it turns out, ok?

Outpourings of crazy

One of the trainers at my gym sends out emails a few times a week. I guess they're supposed to be motivational? I don't know. They're usually just outpourings of crazy. At least half of them are collections of stupid diet substitutions that are supposed to help you lose weight, only they're
really detailed lists of things I can't picture anyone ever eating. Let me make one up to illustrate:

Instead of eating a breakfast of two waffles, three pieces of bacon, four hash browns and a large latte, try one egg white with a tablespoon of salsa.
Instead of a large tuna sandwich slathered with mayo on a kaiser roll, a big bag of potato chips, a cup of creamy potato salad and a large soda, hold the roll and enjoy three ounces of tofu with two celery stalks, a teaspoon of brown mustard and a medium apple.
Instead of four slices of pepperoni pizza dripping with grease, served with a large caesar salad with tons of croutons, try a small chicken breast grilled with the juice of one lemon and served with three broccoli florets.
Do this and you will lose ten pounds!!!!

Ok, so my example is slightly more ludicrous than her usual, but you get the general idea. She compares two meals that are completely unalike; uses the phrases "dripping with grease," "hold the roll," and "slathered in mayo;" and closes with some ridiculous outcome and a gratuitous number of exclamation points.

Anyway. When she's not busy sending us crazy nutritional emails, she's sending crazy exercise emails. Friday, we got one about how your brain tells you to stop working out because it has no self-confidence and you should ignore it. (That was especially entertaining because my friend, Linda, had just had a personal training session with this crazy trainer, and she thought the email was directed at her.) Here's this week's crazy email:


Whether you've been loyal to your weekly workout plans or not, this week we've got just the thing to keep you motivated and get you back on track. According to top researchers, varying your cardio routine makes it more effective. And, like always, we're here to help.

First, try the ultimate antiboredom workout. It combines cycling, running, and elliptical with various speeds and intensity.

To get the best results, pay attention to your rate of perceived exertion (RPE), or how hard you're working on a scale of 1 to 10


6 No exertion at all
7 Extremely light
8
9 Very light - (easy walking slowly at a comfortable pace)
10
11 Light
12
13 Somewhat hard (It is quite an effort; you feel tired but can continue)
14
15 Hard (heavy)
16
17 Very hard (very strenuous, and you are very fatigued)
18
19 Extremely hard (You can not continue for long at this pace)
20 Maximal exertion

The rest of the email is a fairly detailed exercise routine. I have no issue with it, especially since she assured us that "this workout will blast 400 calories!!!!!"


Do we all see the problem here? Instead of a scale from one to ten, which is logical if a little simplistic, we have a scale from six to twenty. Never mind truth in advertising...when has anyone ever asked anyone to rate something on a scale from six to twenty?

"So, Lefty, how did you like that movie?"
"Ehh...on a scale of six to twenty, I give it an 8.5."

What happened to numbers one through five? I imagine 1 is "asleep (unconscious)" and three is "sitting." 7, by the way, is "waving to a friend" and 8 is "two snaps in a circle." I especially love how number 15 "hard" is further explained as "heavy." That's just the attention to detail that will help me determine where I fall on the scale between "somewhat hard" and "very hard."

The Housing Situation

Last night I didn't get home until 10, but it was good because I was out getting a lease signed for a better apartment.

See, on Sunday, I brought Matt to look at the apartment, and I realized that the group of buildings that I thought was where we would be living was not part of the complex. So Monday I tried to Google the complex...and came up with all these awful awful reviews of the place. I mean, they were really horrible. There were reviews going back six months saying that the place is infested with cockroaches, they don't pick up the garbage, someone's oven was broken for a week before maintenance finally came to look at it...

Oh no. I cannot live in a place like this.

So I sent Matt the reviews, and he started freaking out, and I called my mom, and her advice was to call the landlord and ask them what they're doing about the roaches, which didn't sound productive to me at all. Also, she just kept saying "but all the other apartments were so much more money." Which is true, but I don't think that's because all of them were overpriced. I think that's the going rate, and this place is lower for a reason...

But then the Realtor we met on Sunday called us and said that the landlord agreed to come down on the rent (just $50, but I took it as a sign) so I took that apartment and he faxed us an application. And before I could even call the complex to tell them that I wanted our deposit back, they called me.

It turns out that the apartment we had applied for was smaller than they'd told us, and they wouldn't have another apartment in the size we want until the middle of April. So I told them to give my money back so I can get a new place. Then they called again yesterday to say that they found another apartment in the size we wanted. Umm...no. Just give my money back. I haven't heard from them again, so the check had better be in the mail.

So, Matt filled out the application and the Realtor faxed us the lease, and I took the train over to the Realtor's last night with the security deposit and the signed lease. So now we have an apartment and we can keep both the cats, and life is good. And then my dad got home and drove me over to a station on my line so I could take the train home. And a train had broken down at the station, so the schedule was all messed up, but at least it was warm and there were some nice people at the station to talk to.

It was a long night, but at least we have a nice, clean place to live now, and it will allow both cats, so I feel better about it.

Five a Day

The USDA has changed the recommended daily servings of produce. Following their recent policy of making dietary guidelines as complicated as possible, they've gone from suggesting "5 a day" to a sliding scale based on age and activity level. They also removed the number from their slogan, so they are now shilling "more is better." They made this change because their focus groups showed that people weren't even getting 5 servings a day, so they figured that people would be more driven to eat produce if they were faced with a vaguely motivating slogan. Clearly, these people have never studied game theory, Sesame Street, Weight Watchers, or RPGs. People need goals. Numbers are powerful. Take away the number and you take away the goal.

But wait, there's more stupidity! Instead of encouraging people to eat more servings, they're encouraging people to eat more cups of produce. What's wrong with that? I mean, telling someone to eat 5 cups of something is certainly clearer than telling them to eat 5 servings, right?

Not when you phrase it like this:
One cup of fruit is equivalent to 1 cup of cut-up fruit; one small apple, a medium pear, or a large peach; 1/2 cup dried fruit; or 8 ounces of 100% fruit juice. One cup of vegetables equals 1 cup of raw or cooked vegetables or vegetable juice, or 2 cups of leafy greens.

One cup equals 1/2 cup? One cup equals 2 cups? Forget game theory, these people have never studied math at all ever. They really do need to watch more Sesame Street.

What would Karen do?

Packing for a move brings some interesting items back into the light.
Consequently, I have a situation and need some advice...

I have a tape of a concert my ex gave with two of his friends from high school. I believe this is the only recording of the concert. He's a semi-professional musician, and I think he'd probably like to have the recording. Whether or not he has a tape player is another question. We don't really talk, but I have his contact info. (Even though we don't talk, we keep each other updated on our whereabouts in case of emergency. Don't ask me what type of emergency would come up that I would need him for. I don't know. I don't know why he would need me, either. It's just something we do.)

To be fair, I have to tell you that I'm not good for him. I don't want to hurt him, but inevitably I do. Every time we try to be friends, things go along fine for a couple weeks/months and then he tells me he needs a break. In the seven years since we broke up, I have only seen this coming once (three years ago, when I got engaged). All the other times, I thought we were just sending the occasional casual email and everything was fine. Apparently, that's not the case. I'd like to think we have enough distance between us now, but I know I'm not the one who gets to make that call.

About a month ago, I sent him a message via facebook asking if he wanted the tape. He hasn't responded. He usually has to brood for a while before he responds to emails, but this is an unusually long time. Also, he just moved, so I'm sure he has other things on his mind. BUT, it's also possible that he just doesn't realize I sent him the message. I sent it via facebook because our most recent contact was over face book, and I figured that would be less threatening, but it's very possible that he doesn't know that he has a message in his inbox, if he doesn't use that function. Assuming he wants the tape, I'd like to send it to him before I move so I don't lose
it. But it's smaller than a bread box. Moving it to the new place is not a problem.

So, here are the possible scenarios, as I see them.

1. He's ignoring me because:
   
   • He doesn't want any contact - including the tape. Throw the tape away before I move
   • He doesn't want to invite me back into his life, but he still wants the tape. Send him the tape whether or not he replies.
2. He's not ignoring me. He hasn't replied because:
   
   • He's stressed about his own move. Wait for him to reply.
   • He hasn't seen my message. Email or call him.

What would you do? Based on his past behavior, all four scenarios are possible, although I think 1a is the least likely considering that he just friended me a couple months ago. I think the tape is something he'd like to have, but I don't want to be creepy about sending it to him. Even though he knows I have his address, he probably doesn't think about me ever sending him mail, so if a random package from me showed up, he might be a little upset. Or he might just think "oh, a package from Marisa..." I really have no idea. (He made the last mail contact - he sent me a postcard when I moved to Pittsburgh - so I know he used to be open to mail.) I'd rather have his permission to send him the tape, but I don't want to throw the tape away if he wants it and doesn't want to contact me or hasn't seen my message.

So, I'm torn. Do I email him again? Call him? (This would probably be awkward. we haven't spoken in 5-6 years.) Wait another month? Throw the tape away?

Why is this bothering me so much?

Adventures in Consumerism

I have had two crazy encounters on check-out lines this weekend. Considering that I spent most of the weekend either packing or moving, that is quite a feat.

The first adventure was at Quizno's. We go there maybe twice a month because we can walk over. There are about 4 restaurants that we can walk to for take-out, but Quizno's doesn't require any planning or forethought, so it's our most common choice. I think Matt goes there for lunch a few times a month by himself, so this franchise is getting a lot of our money. Most weekends, we either go there or the Malaysian restaurant next to Borders (so we can browse while our food is prepared). Yes, we are quite boring.

Anyway, we walked to Quizno's, and there were 3 people behind the counter: a blond girl I see a lot, a skinny boy I didn't recognize, and the owner. There are also 3 customers: a couple finishing lunch at a table and a blond tanorexic woman who had just ordered. We walked up to the counter, but Tanorexia is chatting away to Blondie, who is barely registering any response. Tanny is chatting about ridiculous things like going to the gym and talking to some random people...I don't know. I figured that Tanny was friends with Blondie's mom or something because that was the level of interest Blondie was showing. Meanwhile, the owner was getting annoyed, so finally she turns to Tanny and calmly tells her that Blondie can't talk right now because she's working.

Tanny says "but she's done making my sandwich."

Manager points out that there are other customers.

And that's when Tanny flipped right the eff out. She starts yelling that she's not paying for her sandwich because the manager is rude and her husband is a lawyer and she knows what harassment is and she's never coming back because she's being harassed. (Meanwhile, back at the register, Skinny Boy, in the manner of clueless high school boys everywhere, is trying to ask Tanny if she wants lettuce on her sandwich.)

The manager yells back that Blondie works for her and she doesn't care who Tanny's husband is because Blondie has to serve all the customers who come in. Both of them want the last word, so they go back and forth with the "you're harassing me"/"Blondie is working" business for a few minutes before Tanny finally walks out.

Manager calmly tells Blondie that she can't chat with the customers like that, and Blondie starts laughing.
"I didn't WANT to talk to her," Blondie says. "I just didn't know what to do. I've never seen that woman before in my life."

The second incident was the exact opposite. We went to the store for a couple things and got in the express lane. Only after we unloaded our 10 items did we realize that the line was not moving at all. At first I thought it was because the people in front of us didn't appear to be able to count. They had mounds of groceries on the belt. I'm going to say at least 30 items. I was annoyed and bored, so I started making up a song about people who don't know how to count. (This is what I do when I'm bored. I think it embarasses Matt because by the time I come up with a decent second verse he's tapping on my hand or pointing at magazines or something.)

Sure enough, I got through one verse and was repeating it because I had to vamp while I came up with a chorus when Matt suddenly and urgently needed to hold hands. This distracted me enough to notice that the cashier (who was named Ari even though she was a girl and Ari is a boy's name) was chatting with the customers who can't count.

Seriously, she had a comment on every other item. I was so annoyed. This girl is holding up the line! Finally, Ari-who-is-a-girl manages to ring them up and it's our turn...and she starts trying to talk to us.

"Hey guys! Did you have a good weekend?" Ari-who-is-a-girl chirped at us. I just stared at her. She didn't seem to care. "ooh...are you making soup? Do you like this bread? " Then she crossed the line "Oww...I pinched my finger, see?" She held her finger in front of my face. I nodded, because I did see her finger. She was waving it in my face, so I assumed that was the point. I mean, I wasn't about to kiss it or anything.

So now, just before I leave Princeton, I have to arrange a meeting between Tanny and Ari-who-is-a-girl. Then they can talk for hours about ridiculous things that no one cares about, and I will not be here to be annoyed.

Everybody wins!

Work Drama

The work drama continues. Apparently, the employee newsletter snafu is counting towards the zero-tolerance policy, and there was just another incident where we were printing invitations, and the project owner realized the time was wrong on them after they printed but before they were mailed, so now everyone who proofread that project also has a "needs improvement" for the year. The situation truly sucks. There is just no way to excel and no way to recover. If you have a perfect year, then you're "meeting expectations." If you mess up once in January, you've failed for the year. So frustrating.

Meanwhile, back at the ESAT ranch, we had to give our presentation on Friday, with mixed results. No, no. Let me rephrase. Most people were on board with all our suggestions...except my manager who took the whole thing personally and "couldn't talk" to me for an hour afterward because she needed "calming time." Also, the director decided - yesterday, in front of everyone, after hearing the presentation twice - that the third issue we were ASSIGNED was stupid.

I just want to bang my head on the wall.

And, finally, I got a blue line back from the printer on Friday, and the printer had flagged a minor graphics error. So then I was a little nervous that catching something on a blue line could lead to dinging since we have to pay for those corrections. Then I was upset thinking that whoever I give the proofreading to will get dinged, so they're basically asking me to decide who gets dinged...which doesn't make a lot of sense, but I was upset.

So I talked to one of the managers, and her advice was...wait for it...
Remove the printer's note and quietly circulate the document, hoping that no one else picks up on the error, then quietly ask the printer to make the correction.

Sounds like a plan, no?

Apartment Drama

Basically, we have to move in 2 weeks, but Matt still hasn't accepted a job, so two weeks ago he finally decided that he doesn't want to move to CA (probably) so I started frantically looking for apartments. Dozens of apartments. Literally dozens of nasty dirty apartments. All of these apartments have been at least an hour from where we live, so just going to visit them requires planning. We have to move in two weeks, and we still haven't signed a lease on a new place. So, I am a little freaking out. And my mom blames me for all of this because I'm not "stepping up and
taking care of Matt." Yes, that's right. It is solely my responsibility to arrange housing for the two of us because he is trying to graduate, and it is solely my fault that we're in a mess now. Matt is completely stressed out and deserves a lot of slack, but come on. Finding a place to live is
not a "that's ok, honey, I'll take care of it" moment.

We finally found a place last weekend, and Matt was supposed to go fill out the application on Monday because their leasing office is only open from 10-5 on weekdays...but then we found out that they only allow 1 cat. So then he stormed out and called to yell at me about how I have to
tell him what lies he's supposed to tell people because he can't keep them straight for me. Also he left his squash racquet in my car so I was keeping him from spending time with his friends. (This is the kind of moment when I will cut him some slack, but it was still a problem.) I am at work while he's yelling at me, and I don't have any of the paperwork they want to file an application, so I was freaking out that we were going to lose this apartment and not find another one. So, like any rational woman, I went down to the gym to calm down...and started crying on the treadmill.

So Tuesday I had to use vacation time to go fill out an application (including a "pet application," which is ridiculous). And Matt is still freaked out about having 2 cats in the apartment when they think we only have one - even though that is exactly what we've been doing for over a year now. He seems to think they're going to come in, see the cats, and kick us out. So Shadow is going to stay with Matt's mom for a couple months...

Unless we get another apartment. That's right. Last night, at 10 pm, another person called me that their apartment is still available. It's a 2-bedroom in the middle of town (small town, but still) and they would allow both cats. I had called them last week and they were just returning my call - plus they didn't rerun the ad we responded to, so I think they rented it and the deal fell through last minute.