Adventures in Consumerism

I have had two crazy encounters on check-out lines this weekend. Considering that I spent most of the weekend either packing or moving, that is quite a feat.

The first adventure was at Quizno's. We go there maybe twice a month because we can walk over. There are about 4 restaurants that we can walk to for take-out, but Quizno's doesn't require any planning or forethought, so it's our most common choice. I think Matt goes there for lunch a few times a month by himself, so this franchise is getting a lot of our money. Most weekends, we either go there or the Malaysian restaurant next to Borders (so we can browse while our food is prepared). Yes, we are quite boring.

Anyway, we walked to Quizno's, and there were 3 people behind the counter: a blond girl I see a lot, a skinny boy I didn't recognize, and the owner. There are also 3 customers: a couple finishing lunch at a table and a blond tanorexic woman who had just ordered. We walked up to the counter, but Tanorexia is chatting away to Blondie, who is barely registering any response. Tanny is chatting about ridiculous things like going to the gym and talking to some random people...I don't know. I figured that Tanny was friends with Blondie's mom or something because that was the level of interest Blondie was showing. Meanwhile, the owner was getting annoyed, so finally she turns to Tanny and calmly tells her that Blondie can't talk right now because she's working.

Tanny says "but she's done making my sandwich."

Manager points out that there are other customers.

And that's when Tanny flipped right the eff out. She starts yelling that she's not paying for her sandwich because the manager is rude and her husband is a lawyer and she knows what harassment is and she's never coming back because she's being harassed. (Meanwhile, back at the register, Skinny Boy, in the manner of clueless high school boys everywhere, is trying to ask Tanny if she wants lettuce on her sandwich.)

The manager yells back that Blondie works for her and she doesn't care who Tanny's husband is because Blondie has to serve all the customers who come in. Both of them want the last word, so they go back and forth with the "you're harassing me"/"Blondie is working" business for a few minutes before Tanny finally walks out.

Manager calmly tells Blondie that she can't chat with the customers like that, and Blondie starts laughing.
"I didn't WANT to talk to her," Blondie says. "I just didn't know what to do. I've never seen that woman before in my life."

The second incident was the exact opposite. We went to the store for a couple things and got in the express lane. Only after we unloaded our 10 items did we realize that the line was not moving at all. At first I thought it was because the people in front of us didn't appear to be able to count. They had mounds of groceries on the belt. I'm going to say at least 30 items. I was annoyed and bored, so I started making up a song about people who don't know how to count. (This is what I do when I'm bored. I think it embarasses Matt because by the time I come up with a decent second verse he's tapping on my hand or pointing at magazines or something.)

Sure enough, I got through one verse and was repeating it because I had to vamp while I came up with a chorus when Matt suddenly and urgently needed to hold hands. This distracted me enough to notice that the cashier (who was named Ari even though she was a girl and Ari is a boy's name) was chatting with the customers who can't count.

Seriously, she had a comment on every other item. I was so annoyed. This girl is holding up the line! Finally, Ari-who-is-a-girl manages to ring them up and it's our turn...and she starts trying to talk to us.

"Hey guys! Did you have a good weekend?" Ari-who-is-a-girl chirped at us. I just stared at her. She didn't seem to care. "ooh...are you making soup? Do you like this bread? " Then she crossed the line "Oww...I pinched my finger, see?" She held her finger in front of my face. I nodded, because I did see her finger. She was waving it in my face, so I assumed that was the point. I mean, I wasn't about to kiss it or anything.

So now, just before I leave Princeton, I have to arrange a meeting between Tanny and Ari-who-is-a-girl. Then they can talk for hours about ridiculous things that no one cares about, and I will not be here to be annoyed.

Everybody wins!