My Enormous Chair

My mother's friend, Nancy, who I have never met, is giving us a chair. Not just any chair - a red
leather chair with a matching ottoman (turned arms, hammered-something finish. I'm a vegetarian. I have no clue what I'm talking about here). Don't ask me where we're going to put it, but it's a-coming.

Apparently, Nancy ordered herself a red leather couch, and it came with a chair and two ottomans, but she already has a chair, and really, who needs two ottomans? It was very nice of her to think of us, and I do appreciate it, and I'm sure that some year when we have more room I'll be grateful that we don't have to buy one more chair...it's just, well, the phrase "red leather club chair" throws up a few flags for me...

1. Red: Do you mean burgundy red? Candy apple red? Fire engine red? My mother assumes that the chair is burgundy red, which is a lovely color that will match with our existing brown furniture...but I have an internet connection, so I'm not so sure. (Plus, I don't know Nancy. My mother works with a few Nancys, and I'm not sure which one this is. Does this Nancy have a stoplight themed living room?
2. Leather: Maybe it's the vegetarian thing, or maybe it's an Old Italian Relatives flashback, but I find leather furniture kind of creepy. It's just creaky and sticky and...I'd rather not talk about this, ok?
3. Club chair: This phrase could mean a whole host of chair designs, ranging from good-old-boys hunting lodge decor to little u-shaped waiting room chair to medieval throne. Some of which are better for my apartment, and some of which are better for regional theater productions of Dracula. I'm just saying.

I know this makes me sound like a brat, and really it is very nice of her, and I appreciate the offer. I'm just a little leery. I mean, we have nowhere to put it, it's just one more thing we'll have to move in a couple months. I just wish there was a gracious way to turn this down. I told
my mother, several times, that we had no room for it, and I didn't really want it, but she kept pushing. I guess she felt like I had to take it for some reason. I don't know.

So Nancy insisted that it was really tiny and she could carry it out to my mom's car by herself...so fine, the chair is coming. Well, then the woman runs home on her lunch break and comes back with the two ottomans, which I really didn't want, but I guess I'm getting anyway, and she puts them in my mother's car. Oook. So now I'm getting a chair and two ottomans. Also, the "tiny" chair is now too big for one person to carry, and it's blocked into the room somehow, so we need to send two people to pick it up.
The next day.
Because she's having an elliptical delivered.
That's when I reminded my mom that I don't really want this chair. So she tells Nancy that we can't pick it up before Saturday, and Nancy seems to be happy with that. So I'm getting the chair on Saturday, and I have to clear space in my apartment before then.

Right...so remember the ottomans? Well, we went up to my parents' yesterday, and those things are enormous. They are the height of my couch, and bigger than my end tables. They're at least 3x3. So, what size chair needs an ottoman that big??? I am starting to be a little bit afraid of this chair. We only have one ottoman at the moment because that's all that would fit in my car. So I guess I have to figure out how to rearrange my living room to accommodate this enormous creepy chair that I don't want. On the plus side, this is the perfect opportunity to turn the living room into a circus. I'll make the cats jump through hoops from one ottoman to the other. Then I'll invite people over to sit on all our chairs and couches, and Matt can thread his way through the furniture with bags of popcorn.